The Everyday Mystic

I wasn’t prepared for this. All summer, I was driving down the road of life, expecting a smooth ride for the foreseeable future, focused on the future.  Sure, my son was about to leave for college, but he hasn’t been around much this summer so I was sure I would take it in stride.  Plus, I have my own life, for heaven’s sake, with a new business to run, an existing business to maintain and a return to school for myself this fall. I am a strong, professional woman!

I wasn’t prepared for this.  I kept telling friends that my son was preparing us for moving out this fall by being rather confrontational this summer, staying out late at night, or staying overnight often with friends. He was absent a lot this summer. He even stayed at a friend’s home while the parents were out of town - something that I’d never let my kids do before.  I was the mom who always called the friend’s parents before a party to make sure they were planning to chaperone the party properly.  What can you do with a child who is now a man, I reasoned.  Surely, my son leaving the house would be no big deal.

I just wasn’t prepared for this. 

My husband and I brought our son to college for the first time this week, and left him there last night. 

What I wasn’t prepared for was how sad I’m feeling, now that we’re back at home - in this big, empty home with just the three of us left in it. I wasn’t prepared for how bereft I’d feel and how the little things are making me cry.  I tidied up my son’s room this morning and cried.  I discovered all the perfectly good clothes he left behind and cried.  When I went to the garage, I discovered my husband had folded up the ping pong table that he and my son used to play on every night before bedtime.  I wept outright.

What’s making me so sad?  I’m so happy for my son - he got into the college of his dreams, he is already best friends with his room mate and he has a wonderful freshman seminar professor, who we met.  I am so proud of him, my baby who blossomed into a handsome, bright young man.  He has the world at his feet.  I feel the hand of the Divine - it can only be that - who brought us to this point.  It was heaven’s influence that crafted my son’s acceptance at this very selective college, changed my mind about where he should go, and delivered us a scholarship that made it a slam-dunk financial decision.  My heart is overflowing with gratitude, pride, relief and happiness.

Yet, I weep. My son and his spirit are missing here now. My son left a large footprint, both energetically and physically.  Like most teenaged boys, he was a bit of a slob. He would blow through the house like a tornado, leaving debris behind him everywhere he went.  I’ve threatened to open the windows of his room and bring in a fire hose to blast it clean. More than that, I realize now that his spirit filled our home - his expansive, generous, funny, eccentric, think-outside-the-box spirit is missing. 

And, it’s the end of a chapter of our family’s life.  We are no longer a foursome at home under one roof anymore.  It’s the inevitable change that happens to all families - the kids grow up and move out.  I understand intellectually that this is good, normal, to be expected.  I just wasn’t prepared for my reaction to it.

It’s my first-born who just went to college!  And I’m sad!  I miss him! 

It also means that I’m getting old.  That’s a bummer.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do next fall when my daughter goes to college.  Then I’ll have cause to weep.  The nest will be truly empty then.

Got a box of kleenex for me?

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Alice Lee knows something about being resilient.  She has had to be resilient to survive this far. You see, Alice has spinocerebellar ataxia type 3, an inherited neuro-muscular condition similar to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). The disease is fatal, slowly reducing the person’s mobility and finally shutting down the body. But Alice decided early on in life - or was she just born feisty? - that she would not let adversity take her down forever. She decided to be a survivor, not a victim. "I get down sometimes," Alice told me, "but I get right back up."  She means that both figuratively and literally.

Alice tested positive for ataxia in 1995, which killed both her mother and sister and perhaps several other family members, but it wasn’t until 2002 that she started to develop symptoms of the disease. Around that time that she brought a service dog into her life as a constant companion - Morgan, a beautiful golden retriever, who is in the picture, above, with Alice. Morgan knows over 90 voice commands, including "Get the phone, Morgan."  Alice says that dogs have a tendency to slobber on the phones they fetch, so she buys cheap ones and doesn’t care when Morgan ruins one! It was Morgan who saved Alice’s life in 2003, when she fell while alone in her home and broke her leg - and sprained her ankle.  Morgan came to her side at once, and she told him, "Morgan, get the phone."  He brought her the phone, to which she had taped a list of the neighbors’ phone numbers.  She was able to call her neighbor to ask for help.

After Morgan came to her aid, Alice was confined to a wheelchair.  She remembers her mother was in a wheelchair for the last ten years of her life, and Alice wanted not to have that kind of life.  She was determined to recover from the accident. "I’m not ready for this," she declared to herself, referring to the end of her life. Instead of her fall being the beginning of the end, Alice sought out physical therapy and worked hard to regain her ability to walk. She was ambulatory when I met her at Upaya Zen Center in July of this year, five years after the fall.  Her smile and spirit were strong and radiant. However, Alice must practice mindfulness all day, every day, because of her illness. "I have to be aware of where my feet are at all times," says Alice. "I have to practice mindfulness or I’ll fall."

I asked Alice about two things: pain and death. When I asked her about what it was like to know that she would die, she said, "We all die. I just have a little more information than most people about how my end will come. I’m not afraid of death, it is a part of the cycle of life. Society makes it scary. I feel that I’ve lived 3 lifetimes. If I die, I die, but I want to be here for my daughters and be a grandmother."

Regarding pain, Alice said, "You just go through it. You let it come to you, then go through it. It’s your resistance that tries to keep it at bay. I breathe through the pain. When I was working, I had horrible back spasms. I couldn’t make my 30-minute commute without stopping to stretch several times. I would get out of my car, stretch and breathe."  Alice is grateful for the muscle relaxers and pain medication that keeps the pain at bay, and recommends that others who suffer from pain seek medical help in that way also.

Alice is facing another test of her resilience: Her faithful service dog, Morgan, who has served her so faithfully for more than five years, has developed arthritis and needs to retire from his service dog duties.  Alice needs a new dog that will be trained by Assistance Dogs of the West (a non-profit organization) for the hefty price of $3500.00.  Alice has $1750 already, but needs help raising the other half.  Her dog dancing group, The Santa Fe Dog Dancing Club, is holding a fundraiser for her tomorrow, Friday, August 29, 2008, at which they hope to raise the rest of the purchase price (another $1750.00) for another service dog for Alice.

Alice’s story and her spirit have touched me deeply. Alice is resilient, but she needs our help. Please join me in contributing to the cost of a new service dog to join brave Morgan in caring for Alice.  You can make a tax deductible donation at www.assistancedogsofthewest.org (at the bottom of the page, click on "make a donation". In the comment field, please type "for the Alice Lee Fund").  Any amount that you can give from your heart is most welcome! Let’s help Alice stay resilient!

Blessings to all.

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I was flying home on Friday night after a long week of work with a client.  It was late and I was tired, eager to get home but feeling good about the week’s work.  During the flight, I finished writing a report - another accomplishment in a busy week. As I felt the airplane start its descent into my home town airport, I happened to look out the window.  Just slightly behind my glance was a half-moon that was blood red.  A harvest moon in August - I couldn’t believe it!  I sucked in my breath and just stared at its glamour.  Right there in that claustrophobic airplane seat, I had a luminous experience in which I was one with All That Is.  In that moment, there was no separation between me, the moon, God and all earthly beings. In other words, I experienced God.

The moment passed. I smiled and drifted back to my physical reality, packed into a late-night flight, homeward bound.

What is it about nature that so often enables us to experience our connection to God?  I have a partial theory.  The beauty of nature takes our breath away because it is freely given.  We do nothing to deserve a beautiful red moon, a colorful sunset or the crash of waves on the beach. It is a gift given for no reason. It surprises us, like a friend who brings an unexpected gift.  The lavishness of the gift can be overwhelming. It takes our breath away.

It is the love of the Divine, freely given.

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Today’s post comes from my dear friend Wayne Adamiec, who wrote this poem.  My heartfelt thanks to Wayne for this beautiful piece:

How do You know:

That what you’ve seen all along is Holy?

That your challenges are designed to inspire?

That the words of others always have more than one meaning?

That nature is the music of the Universe?

That dark follows day, and day follows dark?

That a smile creates a miracle?

That I am always at your side?

How do You know?

By Faith.

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I am buffeted by emotional storms,

In a maelstrom of negativity, self-doubt, dark moods.

I seek comfort in the refrigerator, a glass of wine or conversation.

And then I remember!

You, the Holy Blessed Dot

Deep inside me.

Alternating white and black:

Black dot signifying the void, nothingness

White dot signifying all that is.

If I go there, to the Holy Blessed Dot deep inside me,

I realize my essence.

Calm.

Peace.

All the rest is surface noise.

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It is the end of summer, and at least in North Texas where I live, every parent I talk to is looking forward to the opening of school in a week or two. We all look forward to the resumption of a more structured, predictable schedule. For my family, this is a particularly poignant time, as my first child, now an adult, is going to college for the first time. My husband and I find ourselves feeling both happy and sad – happy that this grown-up child will finally be on his own, and sad because we will miss him. It will be hard to say goodbye to him.

Isn’t it funny how even working adults seem to have the school year calendar ingrained into our psyches? Even if we no longer have - or never had - children at home, we still feel like summer is the time to take a vacation and travel out of town, spend more time outdoors and generally take it just a little bit easier than during the school year. And at the end of the summer, we look forward to the resumption of our “normal” fall schedules.

The lazy days of summer are coming quickly to a close.

Psychologically, the start of the new school year is a time of new beginnings. To me, it feels like the right time to launch some new business concepts and offerings. I will be unveiling them right here, so check back often to hear the news!

And, it really is the start of the new school year for me. I am starting a three year course of study to become certified in Spiritual Leadership and Spiritual Direction (at Heartpaths Dallas), I am studying to become certified by the International Coach Federation, and I am enrolled in a spiritual intelligence class. Back to school for me, and I’m excited to be a student once more!

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It’s delightful to read a book that affirms and explains experiences that you’ve had but didn’t fully understand.  That was my reaction to Sonia Choquette’s book, Ask Your Guides: Connecting to Your Divine Support System, which helped me to recognize and trust the heavenly messages that I have received since my mother passed away two years ago.  Sonia describes a host of heavenly messengers, including angels, archangels, spirit guides and spirit teachers, among others. Although I choose not to get hung up on the type of spirit guides that come to me, it is helpful to read her instructions on how to recognize them, how to encourage their presence in my life and how to interpret their messages.

I highly recommend that you read her book and enjoy her instructions yourself! I found myself relating much of my own experience to what she was writing, and wished that I could add my thoughts to her book. Please consider the following thoughts an addendum to her wonderful book.  Here are my thoughts about how to recognize and trust your messengers.

1.  Everyone receives messages from heaven, but most of us ignore them. Because we are spiritual beings in a temporary, physical body, it is our birthright to connect with heavenly spirits. It’s like phoning home, so to speak. These spirit guides are messengers of God, meant to assure us that we are surrounded by the love and strength of the Divine. By heightening our awareness, we can begin to notice tingles, whispers, breezes, ideas and people that show up in our lives as divine messengers.

2.  Believe that you can see, hear, feel or realize a deep knowing of the messenger and the message. If we are truly children of God and made in the divine image, it stands to reason that we can communicate with the Divine. The Divine yearns to help us and send us signs of love and encouragement. Believing that you can discern God’s still, small voice is the only way you can become aware of all the blessings God sends you through the heavenly messengers. While grieving my mother’s death, I decided to open myself to the spirit world in my meditations and just believe in whatever I heard. I reasoned that even if I hear messages from my own Higher Self and not from another spirit, well, my Higher Self is a part of the Divine, too, and that’s good enough for me.

3.  Notice everything.  Become aware of how your body feels, what you see and what you feel. I often feel tingles on my chin, which is an reminder that spirit is near and to notice what is happening in my soul. Recognize the ideas that come to you out of nowhere, especially in the morning when you shower or brush your teeth. That is the time that you are most receptive to intuitive guidance because your soul is active during sleep and it remembers what it learned best in the mornings. Pay attention to the natural world, especially the animals that cross your path. Hawks, coyotes, butterflies, mice and lizards have appeared in my life in recent months, and I believe they are messengers. Try to intuit what message they bring you.

4.  Remember to acknowledge and thank God for what comes to you. By being grateful, we bring more of the same into our lives.

I know that you can become more attuned to the synchronicities and divine messages that Infinite Intelligence sends you. It’s fun and rewarding!

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Change your thoughts and you change your life - we’ve heard this lesson in multiple forms from many teachers.  May Kay Ash told us that "If your mind can conceive it, and if you can believe it, you can achieve it." Dr. Norman Vincent Peale told us about the power of positive thinking.  The Christian Bible tells us that "whatever a man sows, so shall he reap."  We know from personal experience that if we wake up in a bad mood and do nothing to change our negative attitude, the rest of the day will be full of disappointments and snafus.  There is something about our inner thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that have an annoyingly reliable tendency to be reflected in what happens to us.

This week I was struck by the power of this lesson in my own life.  We have a teenager in the family who is only weeks away from going away to college, and his behavior and attitude toward his parents is edgy, to say the least.  We figured it was completely normal, and perhaps even God’s way of making us look forward to him leaving the nest.  My husband and I have been complaining to each other about him - until I happened to be speaking to an adult friend of my son’s who said, "Your son told me he is really going to miss you when he goes to college, and wants to spend some time with you this summer."  I was shocked that my son would think that, much less say that to a trusted friend.  Ever since then, I’ve looked at my son with different eyes.  He looks so handsome, so kind, so smart now! I give him a kiss more often, tell him I love him and will miss him - heck, I even gave him a back massage this week!  The miracle is that my son has been sweet to me ever since I changed my attitude toward him. 

What a whack on the side of the head!  Duh!  Of course, he could pick up on my energy, attitude and impatience with him, and he was acting accordingly.  There was also a lot of normal teenaged hormones and the process of individuation going on at the same time, but as my husband always says, "Who’s the adult in this situation? It’s you, honey, not the kids."  I needed to change my inner thoughts to change the outer life of our family.

Is there someone in your life who is irritating you?  Perhaps it’s a son or daughter, or a co-worker, a customer or a friend.  Could you change your attitude, your inner thoughts about this person? Could you start to think they are handsome, kind or smart, like I did with my son?  Could you see that person with the eyes of God, as a blessed child of the universe? I bet if you can change your inner thoughts, the other person will start behaving differently also.

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Angels and spirit guides visit me during meditation.

Encircling me, they draw near, shoulder to shoulder.

Dazzling ring of light and love is all around me.  I feel their love and devotion.

"Tell them," they whisper in my ear. "Tell them about us."

"Tell them what?" I ask anxiously, hoping they will go away. "And who is them?"

"Tell your readers that we surround them.

We surround each person with love, comfort and divine support.

We orchestrate things like a great composer.

We cause people to cross your path.

We seed your mind with ideas.

We whisper in your ears. 

We help you to hear, to see what you need.

We are there always, just beyond your glance.

We uphold you.

We guide your every step.

Tell them: Fear not, for we are with you always."

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I am on a mission to reduce clutter in my outer world, knowing that doing so will increase the serenity in my inner world.  In addition to being tired of clutter, I am also tired of not being able to find things (especially books) when I need them, and I’m tired of dealing with broken or torn items in my work space.  I came back from vacation with fresh eyes  - and my fresh eyes didn’t like what they saw, including piles of books everywhere, one intolerably slow computer, a printer that makes horrible grating noises, network problems, over-stuffed closets and a messy home office.

While I was away on vacation, I listed in my journal over 30 tolerations in my life.  Tolerations are little irritations that you put up with because you:

a) don’t notice them,

b) are too lazy to deal with them, or

c) think they’re not important enough to win the priority battle.

Yet, these small irritants add up to big energy drains that leverage your peace of mind.  My list of tolerations included both work and home issues (I work out of my home, so work and home are barely distinguishable). Many of the things I tolerate pertain to clutter and disorganization in my environment. I made a vow to start eliminating them. 

Here are five ways that I’ve cut the clutter:

1.  Prepare for the engagement.

Assuming the correct mental attitude is the most important step you can take to cut clutter.  Envision a clean, organized environment and the serenity that it will produce and you will set the mental stage for the ensuing hard work.  Getting a little angry about the mess helps too.  Very important is to adopt an attitude of I DESERVE TO HAVE A CLEAN, ORDERLY ENVIRONMENT!

2. Enlist help. 

Fortunately, my husband hates a mess more than I do.  I was able to get him to help in the clean-up effort. I bribed him by promising to pay him - despite what you’re thinking, the payment will be in dollars, because he is an employee of my corporation.  You could offer to pay a son or daughter to help you in your clean-the-clutter campaign.  There are many ways to entice family members to assist.

3.  Throw stuff out.

You know the rule - if you haven’t used something in the last year, you probably don’t need it anymore.  Gosh, that’s hard to do in real life - I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’ll need it again someday.  Well, today I realized that even if I needed something again someday, I’d never be able to remember where I put it - so I may as well get rid of it!

Here’s what I have thrown away: 20 unused placemats (I NEVER use placemats!  In fact, I don’t like them. But I kept the ones my mother sewed for me - I gave myself room for sentimentality), marketing nicknacks including 5 paperweights (who uses paperweights anymore?) from companies that no longer exist, a stack of 10-year-old magazines, about 100 books, old clothes, two boxes of sewing patterns and 5 boxes of unused fabric (I used to sew for my daughter when she was young - she’s 17 now and doesn’t want any of Mommy’s hand-made clothes.  Imagine that!).

4. Fix it or replace it.

Broken or damaged items that contribute to your well-being need to be fixed or replaced to reduce your irritation level. Today, I have fixed a torn rug in my office, mended a torn bed skirt in our bedroom, watered and mulched a tree that is threatening to die from the summer heat.  Yesterday, I sent a computer off to the technician’s shop to be fixed.

5. Organize your books - or whatever you collect.

I have over a thousand non-fiction books that I use often as resources.  Believe it or not, I’ve read most of them.  I asked my husband to help me alphabetize them by author’s last name.  After a full day’s work, my books are now in shelves in alphabetical order.  Interestingly, we found that I had duplicate copies of about 10 titles -  I am so guilty of being a book addict! Theoretically, I can now look up a book on Amazon, go to the bookshelves to check if I already own the title, and not order any more duplicates! 

Whether it is books, DVDs, CDs, nicknacks, quilting supplies, woodworking tools - organize them so you can find what you need quickly.

Today, I am feeling almost virtuous about my attack on clutter.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll feel the inner serenity…

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