The Everyday Mystic

This week marks the period between Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. The ten days between these High Holidays are called the Days of Awe.  During the Days of Awe, Jews take an inventory of their life and make amends, either to God or to another person, for their words or deeds that missed the mark.  They also practice charity, study the Torah and pray.  Tradition states that during these days, the book of life remains open until Yom Kippur, and you have an opportunity to influence how God will inscribe you in the book for either a sweet or a difficult year.

You don’t have to be Jewish to see the benefit in taking stock of your life, making amends with people who you may have hurt, squaring away your relationship with the Divine and sharing your abundance with those who are less fortunate. The Jewish High Holy days usually arrive just after the start of the school year, so it is a good time to look over the past year and seek ways to begin afresh to pave the way for a sweet year to come.

Here are some ways that you can celebrate the Days of Awe in your own way:

• Apologize. Thinking back over the last year, are there apologies that you need to make?  Are there people you hurt, either consciously or unconsciously?  Now is a good time to make amends, starting with the simple words, “I’m sorry.”
• Be charitable. I am always being asked to contribute to various worthy causes - it seems like everyone is walking for some charity nowadays! Be sure to give what you can when asked. Alternatively, seek out your favorite charity and send them an unsolicited contribution. All non-profit organizations are hurting for money at this time, so your donation will be deeply appreciated. You could volunteer your time for a charity. At the very least, clean out your closet and bring your unwanted items to Goodwill or your local community exchange.
• Pray. Talk to God and then listen for a message back to you. It only takes a few minutes and it will strengthen your connection with the Divine. Ask for God’s forgiveness for whatever you have done to miss the mark of recognizing God’s love in your life.  Know that you are forgiven even before the words rise to your lips.
• Study the good book.  Whatever the “good book” is to you, read it this week. It could be poetry, the Bible, a motivational book or a really great novel - anything that uplifts your soul. Spend some time investing in your mind and your spirit.

Jews and non-Jews alike can honor the Days of Awe this week with just a few minutes each day. Your spirit will be refreshed and you will be prepared for a sweet year!

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Note: Kristin has recently begun a nine-month “retreat in real life” following the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius. She shares her path in The Everyday Mystic blog.

The preparatory phase of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius is, according to my teachers, meant to assure you of God/Source’s unconditional love and acceptance. You are to bask in this love, to luxuriate in God’s loving arms and be the Beloved to God-as-your-Lover.  You are to know, with the deepest, surest understanding, that you are precious, more than good enough and indeed spectacular in God’s eyes. You are to become so secure in this knowing as to be unshakeable.

You do this by spending 45 minutes in the morning reading, meditating and writing about scripture such as Psalm 23 (”the Lord is my shepherd”), Isaiah 43:1-4 (”you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you”) and Luke 12:22-34 (”Lilies of the field… you are much more precious”).  Then, at night, you practice the Examen (pronounced ex-ay-men) in which you review (or examine) the moments of your day and identify when you were attuned to God’s love and when you missed perceiving God’s love.

For me, days one through three are exhilarating. I am rolling in God’s love like a pig in mud - splashing in it, laughing in it, wriggling with glee. I am just fine through the morning of day four, too.  Skipping hand in hand with God, as it were. And then I go to a business meeting and - wham! - I am not feeling a bit of God’s love, to say the least! Like a car wreck, I slam into wall of self-criticism, feelings of I’m-not-good-enough, judgment of others and general grumpiness. I am cruelly wrested from my happy place and transformed into a monster of negativity. I make a hasty retreat from the meeting and go home to lick my wounds.

God and I had a serious, tear-filled talk last night during the Examen. “This isn’t working, God,” I cried. We agreed on some strategies for me to stay in better relation with Love. God assured me that everything is going to plan, that somehow this is all perfect. I think I said something like, “Yeah, right - do you REALLY expect me to believe that?”  God rubbed my head and my heart softened.

Today was much better. I can just begin to see that, yes, this is all perfect. Maybe tomorrow I will laugh at myself.

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Note: I take time today to share with you what’s going on in my spiritual life and invite you to follow the course of my retreat over the next nine months.

Several times in my life, I have been called to follow certain disciplines in spirituality.  In 2000, I studied and finished A Course In Miracles and found that year-long practice wonderfully rich and spiritually rewarding. Since then, I have worked with other self-growth and spirituality programs and delighted in each of them.

I now start on perhaps the most rigorous, disciplined and exciting spiritual development program yet - The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.

As part of my training at HeartPaths Dallas to become a Spiritual Director, I begin a nine-month “retreat in real life” that follows the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, the Catholic priest and mystic who started the Society of Jesus, or the Jesuits, in 1540. This retreat in real life involves a daily commitment of an hour of my time devoted to prayer, meditation and journaling, while following the readings and exercises that St. Ignatius prescribes. In addition, I attend class once a week and meet with my spiritual director every other week.

According to my teachers, Ignatian Spirituality is based on the following premises:

• We can be contemplatives in action
• We experience prayer in daily life
• The world can be the subject of prayer
• Love shows up in our actions
• Each one of us can have a direct experience of God in prayer

This is perfect for me - the driven one, the achiever, the seeker who needs to know, deep down in her heart, that everything is a gift from God and accept what is.  I look forward to learning how to examine each day and listen for God/Source’s active participation in my life.

And isn’t this perfect for the Everyday Mystic blog! The spirit of Iggy, as we fondly call Ignatius, will be working through my fingers as I blog over the next nine months. I look forward to sharing insights, struggles, peak moments and dry spots of my retreat - all in hopes of helping you illuminate your path with Source’s love and light.

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An important step in forgiving someone is deciding what, if any, action to take after you’ve forgiven. In my book, A Forgiveness Journal, I propose seven steps to achieving forgiveness.  The sixth step is Take Action. Note that it is the penultimate step, positioned after you’ve been able to achieve some measure of forgiveness. The action you take is always going to be a more effective, more loving decision if you can act with the clarity of heart and mind that forgiveness affords.

Remember, forgiveness is the attainment of a feeling of peace and compassion toward the person who hurt you. If forgiveness is an uncomfortable term for you, you might try to frame it as acceptance of what happened.

When women ask me what to do about a spouse or partner who has been unfaithful to them, I always recommend attempting to forgive before deciding on whether to separate or divorce.

In the case of infidelity, the decision to leave or stay in the marriage should be based on many elements in the relationship, including past history in the relationship (Has the husband been violent or abusive? Is this the first instance of infidelity in the marriage?) and the presence of children. However, the decision you make will be a better one if you can forgive, even in part, before making it.

Jenny Sanford, wife of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, is a good example of forgiving her husband, who publicly admitted to having an extra-marital affair, and taking decisive action.  She has made it clear that, even though she has forgiven him his indiscretion, it is up to the governor to re-build the trust in their marriage.  Last month, she moved out of the governor’s mansion in Columbia, SC with her three young sons, citing the need for separation from her husband and less public scrutiny of her sons.  She has left the door open for reconciliation and yet took decisive action.

Whether you have an unfaithful spouse to forgive, a toxic boss, an alcoholic or abusive parent or family member, remember that forgiving that person first will give you power - the power to make a clear decision about your actions.

Stay tuned for more in this series of posts on taking action after forgiving.

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