The Everyday Mystic

Little words and actions have tremendous power.  We bless or curse others by the small things that we do or say.  Sadly, we are often unconscious of, or unintentional about, the potential consequences of our words and deeds.  Reminders of this give us pause, and allow us to ponder the importance of living consciously and choosing words carefully.

This week, I was reminded of how our words can bless while talking to a colleague about a conversation we had several years ago.  He remembers telling me that he couldn’t imagine himself taking on a leadership role in the IT department where he was working. According to this person, I questioned his assumption by simply saying, “Really?  Why not?”  I have no recollection of our conversation.

Today, he is a leader in an IT department, in the exact role that he previously could not imagine. He credits his career development in part to my questioning his self-doubt.

I remember hearing a similar but more dramatic story about a depressed, suicidal young man who decided to take his own life by drowning himself in the river. On his sad march down to the riverside, he encountered a woman going the other way.  She looked him in the eyes, smiled and kindly said, “Good morning!” to him. He was so touched by this simple gesture, thinking that if even one person considered it a good morning, then he had something to live for. Instead of killing himself, he returned to his apartment, eventually enrolled in medical school and became an Emergency Room physician. How ironic that this young man evolved from wanting to end his life to fighting for other’s lives - all because of the simple, everyday kindness of one person who probably doesn’t remember the encounter. 

Was that woman an angel?  To the young suicidal man, she certainly was. Or perhaps Source energy flowed through her in a way that made her a momentary angel, just like I was to my colleague in questioning his assumptions.  Unwittingly, we bless those around us.

The opposite is also true: our words and deeds can hurt others in unintended or unconscious ways. If you are a parent, it can be terrifying to think of the unintended consequences of your actions or words.

Be conscious of your words and deeds, as they can become unintended blessings - or unintended curses. This is the goal of conscious living - to live with eyes and heart wide open, intending harm to no one.

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“I’ve been walking my energetic puppy every morning for the last six months, and I’ve lost 10 lbs!” enthused a friend recently.  When I asked for further details, this woman explained that she’s been pulled at the end of a leash for 30 minutes every morning since a young, hyperactive canine came into her life. The vigorous walking and the daily, repetitive nature of the exercise is what has gotten her into great shape. 

It got me to thinking about the benefits of a daily practice.

Whether your goal is losing weight, achieving mastery of a skill, building a business or seeking a closer connection with Source, the greatest benefits come after many months - or years - of steady, daily efforts.  A steady practice builds our skills and expertise.  Generally, it’s only after sustained effort that come spectacular results.

I worked with a man who, on the eve of his company’s fabulously successful initial public offering, said, “We’ve worked nine years to become an overnight success.” Inherent in his droll witticism is the truth that you may toil for a long time without seeing the fruits of your labor.  Just like nature’s fruits, the fruits of your labor take time to flower, form and ripen before they can be harvested.

The same can be said for the inner life or the spiritual journey. Habits such as a short daily mediation or prayer time pay off in the long run, resulting in greater personal serenity, increased emotional control, the ability to step back from the daily drama to see the big picture and the grace to perceive the Divine presence in your life.  The benefits of a daily spiritual practice are great, but they don’t necessarily show up right away. Yes, there can be peak moments in life, but the more you practice listening to the still, small voice, the more you open to the sacred essence in each moment.

The trick is to enjoy the daily, steady practice.

What can you do to have a daily, steady spiritual practice?  All it takes is 5-10 minutes a day on a consistent basis.  Everyone has 5-10 minutes a day! If your inner life is important to you, you’ll want to put a high priority on that sacred time.

What you do in that daily 10 minutes is up to you. You will be naturally drawn toward a type of devotion that suits you, and you may have to sample many practices before knowing what is right for you. You might:

• Sit in nature and simply observe it with all your senses 
• Sit quietly with a cup of coffee or tea, just being with yourself
• Meditate
• Pray
• Read scripture, poetry or other inspirational works
• Write in your journal
• Keep a gratitude list
• Walk slowly and mindfully, aware of your breath and your body

It’s not important what you do, but that you have a daily practice.  Then, in six months, read your journal, gratitude list or mentally review your inner journey. Marvel at where you have come, and how far - at all times remembering that this is a journey without end and that the joy is in the traveling.

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Gossiping can suck the zest out of your spirit.  Gossip is mean-spirited and little-minded; its goal is to make the gossipers feel superior to the gossiped-about. It is seductive, addictive and a way of bonding with other gossipers, all while pulling you down to the lowest spiritual common denominator. Gently observe your interactions with others, and catch yourself if you feel you are getting sucked into gossip.

Let’s define what gossip is and is not.  Gossip is judgmental chit-chat about another person or group.  It is conversation that lacks compassion for the other party, and sets up an "us versus them" mentality.  It pits one viewpoint against another, with that of the gossipers as better than the others. Gossip tends to make the gossipers feel better by stroking their egos. It severs the gossiper’s connection to their true essence, which is love.  Gossip sounds like this: "I can’t believe our neighbors put out those hideous pink flamingo sculptures in their front yard! It looks so trashy!  They even have wings that rotate in the wind and make the worst noise.  What horrid taste! Can you believe it?"

Observations, on the other hand, are more neutral statements of how you see a situation or a person.  We are presented with much diversity in our world and our experiences, and our job is to decide what experiences, attitudes, perceptions and people we want to welcome into our lives. We must discern which path will be ours.  Observations can include a discernment statement, as in, "Our neighbors put up pink flamingos in their front yard.  That’s not my style, so I won’t be doing the same."  The observation includes an implicit respect for the other person’s tastes or decisions, acknowledging that we all have our foibles.

So what can you do when other people are trying to suck you into a gossip session?  Here are some suggestions:

1. Be aware.  In order to do anything, you have to be aware of what’s going on.  Gossip has a different energy from observations, so start observing your feelings and your spirit as you converse with others. Try to discern whether the conversation has the heavy, judgmental feel of gossip or is still in the energy range of non-judgmental observations.  Be gentle with yourself - we all gossip from time to time, but the first step to a gossip-free, more spirit-filled life is to be aware of when it happens.
2. Be silent.  I have a friend who is my personal gossip police, even though she doesn’t know it.  Every time I steer our conversation toward even a mildly  gossipy statement, she gives me a look (that I now recognize) and says nothing.  I know I need to shut up - fast - before I jump over the precipice into that nasty river of hatefulness and judgment. Practice being silent - it can be highly effective with people who are sensitive to the ill effects of gossip.
3. Use shock and awe statements.  I remember being a software support representative in San Francisco in the mid-1980’s - not so long after the Summer of Love and its infamy.  I was on the phone with a customer who asked where we were located.  When I told him our office was in San Francisco, he spewed, "Oh yeah, the city of fruits and nuts!"  Rather than follow his lead, I replied with a shock and awe statement that shut him up, "Yes, San Franciscans accepts everyone’s eccentricities, including mine." 
4. Refuse to engage. This is highly effective. It’s like a martial art - you deflect the attack and turn the energy away from danger. You do this in conversation either by changing the subject or replying to a judgmental statement with a neutral observation. 

Be your own gossip police and put a stop to gossip’s negative energy in your life!

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In everyday life, we tend to notice only those things that are at eye level or below.  Our natural inclination is to look down - to look at our feet as we walk, to make sure we don’t trip, to see where we are going in the next step.  It takes intention and practice to look up and notice what is above our accustomed field of vision. Teach yourself to look up, because there are lights in the heavens, stars to be seen.  To look up is an act of viewing things from a higher perspective, to see not only the details of the moment but a vision of the future.  To look up is a metaphor for the ability to see opportunity in hard times, to hold fast to hope and faith, to realize that change is the only constant. 

During this holiday season, it is especially important to look up and see the big picture.  Many families are hurting from the tough economic times we face; others are grateful for whatever jobs they have and the ability to weather this storm.  Looking up will provide you a broader perspective, and the assurance of brighter things to come.

In December, many religions celebrate the looking-up themes of hope and the promise of the future. Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus; Jews light Menorah candles to remember hope and the miracle of the temple lamp oil lasting eight nights; in early December, Buddhists celebrate Rohatsu, the anniversary of the enlightenment of the Buddha and the possibility of enlightenment for all beings; earth-centered religions anticipate the coming of longer days by lighting yule logs in the fireplace. In the Christmas story, the shepherds and the wise men literally look up to see a bright star, a light in the sky, that guided them to the birthplace of Jesus and the promise of the Christ’s message of love. 

It is so easy to get caught up in darkness, whether it is the physical darkness of the winter days or the mental darkness of despair or just dull days.  We light candles and fires to remind us to figuratively look up, to see that there is hope even in darkness, that the light will return just as surely as a new day will dawn.  I derive great joy from the sweet turning and returning of this holy season. My hearts stirs with hope and faith when I observe stars in the winter night sky, Christmas lights in neighbor’s yards, and candles in the Menorah and in Christmas wreaths. I know that the days will start to lengthen and that warmth will return to our world. I give thanks that hope, love, joy and peace are celebrated at this time.

Remember, light always conquers darkness. Love and hope conquer fear. May peace reside in your heart. Look up and see the stars!

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Habits of thought and habits of false beliefs can imprison us. Many times, we aren’t even aware of the habits, much less their sentence of imprisonment. Awareness of the habitual thoughts and false beliefs is the first step to freedom.  Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed.

In her book, The Secret Lives of Bees, author Sue Monk Kidd describes how the main character, Lily, is swarmed at night by bees that have set up residence in the walls of her bedroom. Lily captures the bees in a lidded mason jar and keeps them there for for several days.  When she opens the lid, she is surprised to discover that the bees are so accustomed to their captivity that they will not fly out of the jar, no matter how much she taps on or rotates the jar. The captive bees are an analogy for Lily’s life with an abusive father. Warned by the bee’s strange behavior, she escapes from her father to find a new life with a trio of beekeeping sisters in a distant town.

Too often, we are imprisoned by limiting thoughts and beliefs that restrain us from taking wing and reaching our full potential.  Do you hear an inner voice that says you aren’t good enough, or you have to work really hard to prove your worthiness, or you always have to do what you are told, or that you must please everyone or that you will never be smart/pretty/rich/thin enough?  These demon voices inside us imprison us like the bees in the mason jar.  Even when there is substantial evidence to the contrary, these false beliefs compel us to crawl around the inside of the jar, living small, closed-in lives.

Living big is all about recognizing the limitations of those false beliefs, taking the lid off the jar and flying free.

What do you want to do with your life but are afraid to try?  What would you do if success was a given? What is keeping you imprisoned in a jar?

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If you had to answer honestly, could you truly say that  you are present in the moment most of the time?  I think that most of us (I include myself, but I’m working on it!) are neither mindful nor fully present  for the majority of our waking moments.  Mindfulness is an important part of many spiritual practices, most notably Buddhism.  And for good reason - mindfulness keeps us from worrying about the future or fretting about the past.  By definition, the present moment is the point at which we live, so why not be fully aware and engaged in it! It is in the present moment that we are most alive and in connection with the Ground of our Being.

Being fully present in the moment is a decision that we can make any day.  It is perhaps best to start being present during less stressful times, so we can develop our mindfulness muscle, so to speak.  Then, that muscle will be strong enough to carry us through the rougher times.  I suggest that you practice mindfulness at home and on the way to work to get used to being in the moment.  Of course, you can and should practice mindfulness at any time - I’m just saying it’s easier to start when you are doing something with less emotional charge than a tense situation at work.

Being mindful is simple and yet difficult.  It is focusing your mind on exactly what you are doing in that moment.  The Buddhists say, "Chop wood, carry water." So when you chop wood (or brush your teeth, drive a car, load the dishwasher, etc.) you do only that - you don’t also mentally plan for tomorrow’s presentation at the board meeting.  What we are trying to do is train our brain to focus and be aware of what you are doing in the moment, which increases your calmness, equanimity and focus.

Independence Day in the US was two days ago, and I prepared a rather large feast for my family and some friends who came to dinner for the holiday.  I heartily enjoy entertaining but have less fondness for cooking, so I confine my culinary endeavors to major holidays and parties that we throw. This time, I made the decision early in the morning that July 4th would be a mindfulness day for me.  As I chopped vegetables, I was fully present to the rhythmic sound of my knife cutting the carrots, to the sight of the onion slices lined up like soldiers on my cutting board, to the smell of the vegetables releasing their aroma as I cut them.  And then, I noticed my hands, scooping up the sliced vegetables and putting them in the bowl.  Suddenly fascinated with how hands work, I admired and appreciated them as they did their amazing job, prehensile thumb and all. My mind would wander to worrying about this or that, then I would notice and gently bring my awareness back to what I was doing.  I found that by the end of the day, I was feeling happy and fulfilled, not tired and resentful as I usually feel after spending the day in the kitchen.

I think that you, too, will discover the benefits of mindfulness.  You will be less tired, happier and more energetic for the next moment that comes. So, how can you build mindfulness moments into your day? 

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Have you ever attended an all-day meeting or had back-to-back meetings from morning to night? Ever wonder how you can keep a sense of balance or a connection to the All-That-Is during a day in which there is no time for contemplation or even much of a break? The business world demands much of us, with schedules that tax the mind and soul at times  A psychologist friend once remarked to me, "I’m amazed at how little time executives and managers have for thinking and deliberation." We get used to thinking on our feet, making quick decisions while running from meeting to meeting.

So what can an Everyday Mystic do to reconnect with Source energy during a busy, stressful day?  There are several easy, quick methods that can help you feel centered, energized and focused.  Try these:

1. Breathe.  When we get stressed, we have a tendency to breathe shallowly and from our chest only. No one will notice if you consciously remember to take a deep, belly breath during a meeting. The deep breath will prevent tension from accumulating in your body, clear your mind and enhance your concentration.
2. Breathe through your heartspace. Imagine opening your heart and breathing through that part of your body. Your heart has neurons (brain cells) in it, just like your brain, and when you focus on your heart, you invoke the heart’s intelligence and intuition. Your decision-making abilities will be enhanced. You can do this exercise as you listen to someone speaking - it can be something you do in the background of your focus.  Thank goodness for our minds, that can process information at a rate 4 times faster than a human can talk!
3. Optimize your restroom breaks. Ah, a moment alone in the restroom stall! Take advantage of your private time and breathe consciously and fully. Observe your breath through 5 inhalations and exhalations. Be in the moment, be in your body. You will return to the meeting refreshed.
4. Wash your hands mindfully. Also in the restroom, ceremonially wash your hands. Wash off any negative energy, emotions or judgments you may have accumulated. Watch them swirl away down the drain, leaving your hands and your psyche clean and fresh, ready to return to your activities with a clear mind and an open heart. While drying your hands, appreciate your hands and all they do - type, write, shake other people’s hands, make gestures.
5. Conduct a body scan for emotions. To make sure you are aware of your emotions, and therefore can manage them effectively, periodically scan your body for emotions. Start at the top of your head and move down your entire body, looking for areas of tension, heat, tingles or stress. You can do this in a blink of an eye - during a lull in the conversation, for example. If you find an problem area, consciously relax it and try to determine what emotion it represents. Typically, nervousness or fear show up in your solar plexus or stomach, anger appears in your upper back and shoulders, tension and anxiety manifest in your head, and sadness and grief appear in your throat and neck area. Awareness of your feelings allows you to manage them. If you feel angry or threatened, you might breathe into your heartspace (see above) and be prepared to choose your behavior, rather than react without consideration.
6. Mentally bless the food before you eat. Even during the most insane day, most of us catch a moment to eat something. During all-day meetings, lunch is often catered in. Before taking a bite, lower your eyes for just a moment and give silent thanks for the meal you are about to eat. Silently recite your favorite meal-time grace. This will embed a moment of reverence in your day and ground you for the next segment.

It is possible to keep your sense of balance during an insane day. Other than the desire to stay centered, it only takes a moment here and there to reconnect to the deep calm that is always within you.

Do you have favorite ways to stay in-the-moment during a busy day? Please post a comment here and share them with us. Blessings to you on your journey.

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Can you think of a colleague, co-worker or acquaintance who really annoys you, but is probably a pretty agreeable person underneath their irritating qualities?  Stated another way, are there people who make you bristle because of a certain aspect of their personality, but if you consider them with an open heart, you could find quite a few redeeming qualities?  I can say yes to both of these questions, so I assume that you can, too.

Psychologists tell us that the qualities in others that most irritate us are the qualities that we fear in ourselves. If it weren’t so, then the other person’s behavior wouldn’t bother us and we wouldn’t even notice it. For example, I mentally label loud and talkative people as rude or braggadocio.  But, if I am really honest with myself, I have a tendency - or perhaps it is an internal wish - to be loud, talkative and braggy. However, if I weren’t somehow conflicted over that tendency, it probably wouldn’t annoy me so much when I encounter loud and talkative people.

What happens when we unmindfully hold onto judgmental thoughts about others? Those feelings can grow from a mere irritation to a huge iceberg of resentment, jeopardizing your working relationship with that person and sometimes poisoning the team’s spirit if the person is a co-worker. Because negative emotions create stress in our minds and bodies, holding onto a judgment or a resentment hurts us - it is a self-inflicted wound. To recognize and release a judgment allows us to lighten our load of destructive emotions.  We do it for ourselves.

There are some steps we can take to stop our judgments of other people:

1. Make an inventory of past triggers.The first thing we can do is take a mental inventory of the people and their qualities who have angered, annoyed or irritated us in the past. This prepares us with a list of traits that can trigger our reactions and helps us recognize them as we experience them in the future.
2. Notice when you label or judge someone. We need to train ourselves to become aware of our judgments, which fortunately becomes easier with practice. Mentally scanning your body for emotions occasionally during the day can help you identify a judgmental feeling, which usually lodges in our solar plexus or lower in the abdomen. As soon as possible, notice when you judge or label something or someone - before the judgment turns into a resentment.
3. Stop. Interrupt your run-away thoughts, emotions and judgments. Breathe, imagining that you are breathing through your heart space. Five breaths will open your heart space and neutralize your cascading judgmental thoughts. 
4. Gain perspective. View the person or event from a neutral or different point of view. You might attempt to perceive the situation from the viewpoint of an unconditionally loving mother, saying to yourself, "Surely this person’s mother loves her." Or you might perceive the situation from the perspective of a disinterested third party.  What might a person who has no emotional investment in the situation observe or think? Lastly, consider the situation from the soul perspective, opening your heart and your spirit to the essential goodness in the other person and the ultimate perfection of the situation. This is where miracles happen.
5. Thank the person at a soul level. There are no coincidences. This person or situation has appeared in your life for a reason, perhaps as an opportunity to learn a life lesson. The other person’s soul may have agreed to engage in this encounter for your benefit, or for the benefit of both souls. On some unseen level, there is perfection in the situation. Gratitude is an appropriate response. Thank the other person. Or you can use a phrase common in the southern region of the US, and mentally say with deepest sincerity, "Bless your heart."

Recently, I noticed myself judging someone in a business meeting. Fortunately, I caught myself before I got too deep in my judgmental interpretation of her irritating behavior. Taking a deep breath, I found myself thinking of how her mother must love her. In my spirit, I went to a soul level and miraculously caught a glimpse of her soul. That sudden shift in perspective surprised me and I smiled to myself. All of this happened in a split second, so rest assured that I didn’t zone out of the meeting for more than a couple of words! Only later did I remember to thank her soul, but when I did, I immediately felt a shift in energy between us.

I am grateful for the opportunity to develop my awareness and learn from my experiences. As always, my hope is that, by sharing my journey, your journey will be enhanced.

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Oprah Winfrey created a blockbuster with her live web class with Eckhart Tolle, author of the book 0">0′>A New Earth.  Over a million people have watched some portion of the ten-week series that highlighted the main concepts of his book.  The staggering popularity of Oprah’s event demonstrates that humans all over the world are becoming aware of the need to awaken to their own spirituality. In his book, Tolle calls this awakening an imperative, given the earth’s ecological peril and the escalation of the human race’s technological ability to destroy life.

In an interview in the May, 2008 O Magazine, Eckart Tolle answered a question about how to become a non-judgmental space - in other words, how do we incorporate a sense of spirituality in everyday life.  In response, he talked about bringing space, or awareness, into your everyday life.  He said, "Bring those spaces into your everyday life, as many as possible….Even the busiest person has time for 30 seconds of space." (page 299)

We’ve talked about incorporating spiritual practices into everyday life in this blog before - after all, that’s what an Everyday Mystic does.  Let’s examine again some ways to observe 30 seconds of space in your life:

1.  Breathe. Choose a reminder to consciously take a deep breath at intervals during your day.  I use the sound of the ringing telephone to take a quick but conscious breath.  You might set your clock to discretely chime on the hour, reminding you to breathe.  You might breathe every time you get up from your chair, get in your car, or step out on the street. I make a habit of observing my breath when I am waiting in line.  Hey, it makes the wait go much more quickly!

2.  Observe. Be aware of your surroundings and notice what is different. I notice the changing of the seasons, the emergence of new leaves in the spring and the shedding of them in the fall.  Notice colors, sounds and people around you. One December in the past, I was working in a tall office building. While making small talk before a meeting started, people remarked about the spectacular Christmas decorations that had just been mounted in all the entrances to the building.  My colleague looked up and said, "My goodness, I didn’t even notice them. I guess I should take time to smell the roses!"  How right she was in her figurative allusion to being observant.  We miss so much of life’s rich pageant when we sleep-walk through life. Be observant.

3.  Appreciate. Give thanks for the blessings in your life, both small and large.  I recently looked up while waiting in the car and appreciated the color of the red car that was in front of a dark green tree - I gave thanks for the stark contrast of the red against the green.  Appreciation can be that small. Appreciation can also be transformational.  A friend was on a business trip to Japan on Mother’s Day, feeling sorry for herself because she was separated from her children.  She took out a pen and wrote down all the things she was grateful for in her life. She says her pity party stopped right away.  "I realized I had nothing to be sad about," she wisely remarked.

4. Smile. Along with appreciating the small blessings in life, appreciate the human beings around you with a smile. It costs you nothing to smile at another sojourner on this spacecraft called Earth, and it can mean so much. Look someone in the eye and smile - yes, even a stranger might smile back at you. See if you can be aware of invisible people - such as the receptionist at work, the waiter and busboy at the restaurant, the checker at the grocery store - and make it a personal challenge to "make their day" with a sincere smile and a short greeting. Sharing a smile is a spiritual practice that bridges our illusionary separateness and acknowledges the oneness of us all.

Why should we take 30 seconds to bring space into our daily lives?  Because it reduces stress, reminds us of our connection to Source, and brings us back to the present moment.  This is enough for me.

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The first guideline in living as an Everyday Mystic was to have a daily spiritual practice, which you can read about here.  The second guideline is to have a weekly  sabbath time to recharge your batteries.  There are several ways that you can structure your weekly spiritual time, including the following:

1. Communal Worship - Many people find that a church, synagogue or other religious service is helpful in living a spiritual life.  In communal worship, we not only find connection with Source but with other people who may be companions on the Way.  For some, worship may be a walk in the woods with their dog.  For others, it might be a prayer or discussion group.

2. Work sabbath - In this 24/7, always-plugged-in world, it is hard to conceive of a day without work. For some, this may mean disconnecting the Blackberry or cell phone, not logging into email or closing the laptop for a day. I try to be email-free for at least one day during the weekend. Some enlightened companies are realizing the need for an email sabbath and have declared Fridays no-email days.  Can you imagine that people might actually have to talk to each other on Fridays? 

4. TV sabbath - You might consider turning off the TV for one day each week.  Think of the other things that could get done!  When my children were young, we did a variation of this idea - we turned off the TV from Monday morning until Friday after school.  Then the kids could watch as much TV as they wanted for the weekend.  Now that the kids are older, I miss the peace that the no-TV rule created in our home.  Even if you don’t turn off the TV completely, ban violent shows and news for one day. And, to ensure peaceful dreams, think of skipping the nightly news right before bedtime.

5. Reading sabbath - Several spiritual disciplines, such as the Artist Way and the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, ask adherents to take a sabbath from reading any non-essential material for a period of time.  This serves to clear the mind and one’s life of distracting inputs.

6. Mindfulness Day - Thich Nhat Hanh recommends taking a day every week to be completely mindful of everything you do. This is way harder than it sounds! Being completely mindful of everything you do means that you are not making to-do lists in your head while showering, not thinking of the next meeting when you’re in THIS meeting. You know what the weirdest part of doing a mindfulness day at home for me is?  It’s using the toilet without reading something - being completely aware of what your body is doing instead of using the bathroom as the "reading room".  OK, there you have it - true confessions of the all-too-human Everyday Mystic!

What is your weekly sabbath practice?  The Everyday Mystic encourages you to find something that works for you.  By feeding and nourishing your interior life, you keep the exterior life much freer, more peaceful and more productive.

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