The Everyday Mystic

There are moments in life when everything is beautiful and sweet.  An old commercial called these "Kodak moments" - those moments that you want to capture, bottling the sweet zest of the moment so you can remember it forever. If you are living with your eyes, ears and hearts open, these are the moments when you recognize your blessings from God.  Watching for and noticing mini-peak moments help you live consciously in the light of God’s love.

I had several such moments recently, both involving my teenaged children.  I recently returned from a week-long business trip to Europe.  During a long-distance call home that week, my daughter asked me if I could attend her high school’s Friday night football game to bring her and three friends from the marching band home early so they could be rested for the SAT test the next morning. (Usually, the band stays for the entire game and returns to the high school late that night in buses.) Flattered to be asked, I of course agreed, with the understanding that I was coming home from Europe late that afternoon and my plane could be delayed. My plane was on time (a cause for deep gratitude) and, not being much of a football fan, I showed up to the game about 45 minutes late so I could watch the band’s half-time show and then leave with the girls. I sat next to the band’s now empty place in the bleachers, as the band had already started gathering on the field for its show. I hadn’t seen my daughter for almost a week, and as the band members moved past my place in the bleachers, she called out to me and waved. It’s difficult to discern individual members of the band when they are in uniform, so my memory is of her shining, smiling face lit up like a ray of sunshine piercing a cloud of blue uniforms. My heart leapt. I felt blessed and happy.

Another mini-peak moment occurred this weekend when I drove my son, who was home from college for the first time, back to his school. I had given him a small pumpkin as a seasonal decoration for his dormitory room, and as we were saying good-bye, we realized that he’d left the pumpkin in the car. He accompanied me back to the car to retrieve his pumpkin, and then, instead of walking back to his dorm, he stood on the sidewalk watching and waiting for me to start the car and drive away.  I looked back and saw him there on the sidewalk, holding the pumpkin, waiting.  My heart leapt. I drove by him, rolling down the window so we could exchange a final good-bye.

Peak moments can be life-changing, re-directing your focus or inspiring a new realization.  Mini-peak moments are not necessarily life-changing, but they are life-affirming. Mini-peak moments are the ordinary, everyday blessings that we notice and cherish for their expressions of love.

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"I propose we fall in love several times a day for the rest of our lives," writes Matthew Fox. "…You could fall in love with fish and plants, animals, and birds, and with people, especially those who are different from us."

I read that quotation, and immediately began to ponder how I could fall in love multiple times a day, and what I would fall in love with.  I considered my dog, my family, the sunlight on the tile floor, the activity of writing, a phone call, the smile of a friend, a friendly or encouraging email, the singing bowl in my office.

How does falling in love differ from gratitude or appreciation?  It seems like they are all close cousins in the family of spiritual virtues. "Falling in love" implies something that comes from a deeper part of our hearts and, indeed, involves our whole body: nerves, hormones, neurons in the brain, tingles all over.  It is a visceral feeling. Falling in love is complete immersion, if only for a moment, in the perfection of the object of your affections.  It is adolescent yearning, innocent yet covered with acne, stupid love in the moment.  It is abandonment to beauty.

I want to fall in love that way everyday!

Mother/Father God, how can I fall in love with you daily?  You are no object, except of my desires.  When I thank you for the daily synchronicities that you bless me with, I shall take time to fall in love with you again. I deeply desire to live a life of falling in love again and again and again with You.

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Gentle readers, I’d like you to be aware of a workshop that a friend of mine is conducting this weekend in Truth or Consequences, NM and on October 10-11, 2008 in Ruidoso, NM.  I met Lisl, the facilitator, at a women’s retreat at Upaya Zen Center and was drawn to her peacefulness.  Here are some of the activities she’ll guide you through:

• Re-story your life from the bright side.

• Journey from robustness and creativity, through breakpoint,
  and on to restoration of resilience and creativity

• Become stewards of your own creativity and calling

• Look deep into the mirror of your own story

• Honor your past and set intentions for the journey forward

I’m sure you can learn much from her.  Please visit her website at http://www.phototours.info/peacewithin.php

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Alice Lee knows something about being resilient.  She has had to be resilient to survive this far. You see, Alice has spinocerebellar ataxia type 3, an inherited neuro-muscular condition similar to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). The disease is fatal, slowly reducing the person’s mobility and finally shutting down the body. But Alice decided early on in life - or was she just born feisty? - that she would not let adversity take her down forever. She decided to be a survivor, not a victim. "I get down sometimes," Alice told me, "but I get right back up."  She means that both figuratively and literally.

Alice tested positive for ataxia in 1995, which killed both her mother and sister and perhaps several other family members, but it wasn’t until 2002 that she started to develop symptoms of the disease. Around that time that she brought a service dog into her life as a constant companion - Morgan, a beautiful golden retriever, who is in the picture, above, with Alice. Morgan knows over 90 voice commands, including "Get the phone, Morgan."  Alice says that dogs have a tendency to slobber on the phones they fetch, so she buys cheap ones and doesn’t care when Morgan ruins one! It was Morgan who saved Alice’s life in 2003, when she fell while alone in her home and broke her leg - and sprained her ankle.  Morgan came to her side at once, and she told him, "Morgan, get the phone."  He brought her the phone, to which she had taped a list of the neighbors’ phone numbers.  She was able to call her neighbor to ask for help.

After Morgan came to her aid, Alice was confined to a wheelchair.  She remembers her mother was in a wheelchair for the last ten years of her life, and Alice wanted not to have that kind of life.  She was determined to recover from the accident. "I’m not ready for this," she declared to herself, referring to the end of her life. Instead of her fall being the beginning of the end, Alice sought out physical therapy and worked hard to regain her ability to walk. She was ambulatory when I met her at Upaya Zen Center in July of this year, five years after the fall.  Her smile and spirit were strong and radiant. However, Alice must practice mindfulness all day, every day, because of her illness. "I have to be aware of where my feet are at all times," says Alice. "I have to practice mindfulness or I’ll fall."

I asked Alice about two things: pain and death. When I asked her about what it was like to know that she would die, she said, "We all die. I just have a little more information than most people about how my end will come. I’m not afraid of death, it is a part of the cycle of life. Society makes it scary. I feel that I’ve lived 3 lifetimes. If I die, I die, but I want to be here for my daughters and be a grandmother."

Regarding pain, Alice said, "You just go through it. You let it come to you, then go through it. It’s your resistance that tries to keep it at bay. I breathe through the pain. When I was working, I had horrible back spasms. I couldn’t make my 30-minute commute without stopping to stretch several times. I would get out of my car, stretch and breathe."  Alice is grateful for the muscle relaxers and pain medication that keeps the pain at bay, and recommends that others who suffer from pain seek medical help in that way also.

Alice is facing another test of her resilience: Her faithful service dog, Morgan, who has served her so faithfully for more than five years, has developed arthritis and needs to retire from his service dog duties.  Alice needs a new dog that will be trained by Assistance Dogs of the West (a non-profit organization) for the hefty price of $3500.00.  Alice has $1750 already, but needs help raising the other half.  Her dog dancing group, The Santa Fe Dog Dancing Club, is holding a fundraiser for her tomorrow, Friday, August 29, 2008, at which they hope to raise the rest of the purchase price (another $1750.00) for another service dog for Alice.

Alice’s story and her spirit have touched me deeply. Alice is resilient, but she needs our help. Please join me in contributing to the cost of a new service dog to join brave Morgan in caring for Alice.  You can make a tax deductible donation at www.assistancedogsofthewest.org (at the bottom of the page, click on "make a donation". In the comment field, please type "for the Alice Lee Fund").  Any amount that you can give from your heart is most welcome! Let’s help Alice stay resilient!

Blessings to all.

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I was flying home on Friday night after a long week of work with a client.  It was late and I was tired, eager to get home but feeling good about the week’s work.  During the flight, I finished writing a report - another accomplishment in a busy week. As I felt the airplane start its descent into my home town airport, I happened to look out the window.  Just slightly behind my glance was a half-moon that was blood red.  A harvest moon in August - I couldn’t believe it!  I sucked in my breath and just stared at its glamour.  Right there in that claustrophobic airplane seat, I had a luminous experience in which I was one with All That Is.  In that moment, there was no separation between me, the moon, God and all earthly beings. In other words, I experienced God.

The moment passed. I smiled and drifted back to my physical reality, packed into a late-night flight, homeward bound.

What is it about nature that so often enables us to experience our connection to God?  I have a partial theory.  The beauty of nature takes our breath away because it is freely given.  We do nothing to deserve a beautiful red moon, a colorful sunset or the crash of waves on the beach. It is a gift given for no reason. It surprises us, like a friend who brings an unexpected gift.  The lavishness of the gift can be overwhelming. It takes our breath away.

It is the love of the Divine, freely given.

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It is the end of summer, and at least in North Texas where I live, every parent I talk to is looking forward to the opening of school in a week or two. We all look forward to the resumption of a more structured, predictable schedule. For my family, this is a particularly poignant time, as my first child, now an adult, is going to college for the first time. My husband and I find ourselves feeling both happy and sad – happy that this grown-up child will finally be on his own, and sad because we will miss him. It will be hard to say goodbye to him.

Isn’t it funny how even working adults seem to have the school year calendar ingrained into our psyches? Even if we no longer have - or never had - children at home, we still feel like summer is the time to take a vacation and travel out of town, spend more time outdoors and generally take it just a little bit easier than during the school year. And at the end of the summer, we look forward to the resumption of our “normal” fall schedules.

The lazy days of summer are coming quickly to a close.

Psychologically, the start of the new school year is a time of new beginnings. To me, it feels like the right time to launch some new business concepts and offerings. I will be unveiling them right here, so check back often to hear the news!

And, it really is the start of the new school year for me. I am starting a three year course of study to become certified in Spiritual Leadership and Spiritual Direction (at Heartpaths Dallas), I am studying to become certified by the International Coach Federation, and I am enrolled in a spiritual intelligence class. Back to school for me, and I’m excited to be a student once more!

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It’s delightful to read a book that affirms and explains experiences that you’ve had but didn’t fully understand.  That was my reaction to Sonia Choquette’s book, Ask Your Guides: Connecting to Your Divine Support System, which helped me to recognize and trust the heavenly messages that I have received since my mother passed away two years ago.  Sonia describes a host of heavenly messengers, including angels, archangels, spirit guides and spirit teachers, among others. Although I choose not to get hung up on the type of spirit guides that come to me, it is helpful to read her instructions on how to recognize them, how to encourage their presence in my life and how to interpret their messages.

I highly recommend that you read her book and enjoy her instructions yourself! I found myself relating much of my own experience to what she was writing, and wished that I could add my thoughts to her book. Please consider the following thoughts an addendum to her wonderful book.  Here are my thoughts about how to recognize and trust your messengers.

1.  Everyone receives messages from heaven, but most of us ignore them. Because we are spiritual beings in a temporary, physical body, it is our birthright to connect with heavenly spirits. It’s like phoning home, so to speak. These spirit guides are messengers of God, meant to assure us that we are surrounded by the love and strength of the Divine. By heightening our awareness, we can begin to notice tingles, whispers, breezes, ideas and people that show up in our lives as divine messengers.

2.  Believe that you can see, hear, feel or realize a deep knowing of the messenger and the message. If we are truly children of God and made in the divine image, it stands to reason that we can communicate with the Divine. The Divine yearns to help us and send us signs of love and encouragement. Believing that you can discern God’s still, small voice is the only way you can become aware of all the blessings God sends you through the heavenly messengers. While grieving my mother’s death, I decided to open myself to the spirit world in my meditations and just believe in whatever I heard. I reasoned that even if I hear messages from my own Higher Self and not from another spirit, well, my Higher Self is a part of the Divine, too, and that’s good enough for me.

3.  Notice everything.  Become aware of how your body feels, what you see and what you feel. I often feel tingles on my chin, which is an reminder that spirit is near and to notice what is happening in my soul. Recognize the ideas that come to you out of nowhere, especially in the morning when you shower or brush your teeth. That is the time that you are most receptive to intuitive guidance because your soul is active during sleep and it remembers what it learned best in the mornings. Pay attention to the natural world, especially the animals that cross your path. Hawks, coyotes, butterflies, mice and lizards have appeared in my life in recent months, and I believe they are messengers. Try to intuit what message they bring you.

4.  Remember to acknowledge and thank God for what comes to you. By being grateful, we bring more of the same into our lives.

I know that you can become more attuned to the synchronicities and divine messages that Infinite Intelligence sends you. It’s fun and rewarding!

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Angels and spirit guides visit me during meditation.

Encircling me, they draw near, shoulder to shoulder.

Dazzling ring of light and love is all around me.  I feel their love and devotion.

"Tell them," they whisper in my ear. "Tell them about us."

"Tell them what?" I ask anxiously, hoping they will go away. "And who is them?"

"Tell your readers that we surround them.

We surround each person with love, comfort and divine support.

We orchestrate things like a great composer.

We cause people to cross your path.

We seed your mind with ideas.

We whisper in your ears. 

We help you to hear, to see what you need.

We are there always, just beyond your glance.

We uphold you.

We guide your every step.

Tell them: Fear not, for we are with you always."

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I am on a mission to reduce clutter in my outer world, knowing that doing so will increase the serenity in my inner world.  In addition to being tired of clutter, I am also tired of not being able to find things (especially books) when I need them, and I’m tired of dealing with broken or torn items in my work space.  I came back from vacation with fresh eyes  - and my fresh eyes didn’t like what they saw, including piles of books everywhere, one intolerably slow computer, a printer that makes horrible grating noises, network problems, over-stuffed closets and a messy home office.

While I was away on vacation, I listed in my journal over 30 tolerations in my life.  Tolerations are little irritations that you put up with because you:

a) don’t notice them,

b) are too lazy to deal with them, or

c) think they’re not important enough to win the priority battle.

Yet, these small irritants add up to big energy drains that leverage your peace of mind.  My list of tolerations included both work and home issues (I work out of my home, so work and home are barely distinguishable). Many of the things I tolerate pertain to clutter and disorganization in my environment. I made a vow to start eliminating them. 

Here are five ways that I’ve cut the clutter:

1.  Prepare for the engagement.

Assuming the correct mental attitude is the most important step you can take to cut clutter.  Envision a clean, organized environment and the serenity that it will produce and you will set the mental stage for the ensuing hard work.  Getting a little angry about the mess helps too.  Very important is to adopt an attitude of I DESERVE TO HAVE A CLEAN, ORDERLY ENVIRONMENT!

2. Enlist help. 

Fortunately, my husband hates a mess more than I do.  I was able to get him to help in the clean-up effort. I bribed him by promising to pay him - despite what you’re thinking, the payment will be in dollars, because he is an employee of my corporation.  You could offer to pay a son or daughter to help you in your clean-the-clutter campaign.  There are many ways to entice family members to assist.

3.  Throw stuff out.

You know the rule - if you haven’t used something in the last year, you probably don’t need it anymore.  Gosh, that’s hard to do in real life - I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’ll need it again someday.  Well, today I realized that even if I needed something again someday, I’d never be able to remember where I put it - so I may as well get rid of it!

Here’s what I have thrown away: 20 unused placemats (I NEVER use placemats!  In fact, I don’t like them. But I kept the ones my mother sewed for me - I gave myself room for sentimentality), marketing nicknacks including 5 paperweights (who uses paperweights anymore?) from companies that no longer exist, a stack of 10-year-old magazines, about 100 books, old clothes, two boxes of sewing patterns and 5 boxes of unused fabric (I used to sew for my daughter when she was young - she’s 17 now and doesn’t want any of Mommy’s hand-made clothes.  Imagine that!).

4. Fix it or replace it.

Broken or damaged items that contribute to your well-being need to be fixed or replaced to reduce your irritation level. Today, I have fixed a torn rug in my office, mended a torn bed skirt in our bedroom, watered and mulched a tree that is threatening to die from the summer heat.  Yesterday, I sent a computer off to the technician’s shop to be fixed.

5. Organize your books - or whatever you collect.

I have over a thousand non-fiction books that I use often as resources.  Believe it or not, I’ve read most of them.  I asked my husband to help me alphabetize them by author’s last name.  After a full day’s work, my books are now in shelves in alphabetical order.  Interestingly, we found that I had duplicate copies of about 10 titles -  I am so guilty of being a book addict! Theoretically, I can now look up a book on Amazon, go to the bookshelves to check if I already own the title, and not order any more duplicates! 

Whether it is books, DVDs, CDs, nicknacks, quilting supplies, woodworking tools - organize them so you can find what you need quickly.

Today, I am feeling almost virtuous about my attack on clutter.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll feel the inner serenity…

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The scene: a hip and fashionable downtown restaurant. A high-ranking manager of a technology company and several of his team members are enjoying lunch together to celebrate the team’s recent achievement. As the conversation veers off onto casual topics, one of the employees excitedly explains about a new start-up company for which her cousin was named president, ending with, “Wouldn’t you just love to be in her shoes?” The boss turns to her and says, “You wouldn’t love that - you’d hate it. You wouldn’t be comfortable as an entrepreneur.” The conversation stops briefly as all heads turn to see how the employee would react to the boss’s cutting remark. “Hmmm,” said the employee slowly, “That’s an interesting observation.” The lunchtime chatter quickly turns to another topic.

Take nothing personally – this is easier said than done. The employee in the scenario described above was me, and the conversation took place many, many years ago. I wish I could say that I didn’t take the boss’s remark personally, but honestly, I did for a while. What I realize now is that the boss was speaking from his own perspective, emotions and needs. His opinion of my abilities was colored by his own “stuff”. 

Each of us views life through completely different lenses – it is as if we each wear a different pair of glasses that allow us to focus differently, to block out certain information and to interpret events in a singular way. We take in and process information through our unique lenses, which restricts us to acting solely out of our own perspective. These lenses are colored by our personalities and our talents, which were developed during our formative years. The lenses also reflect our current needs and our previous experiences, especially if they were negative, emotionally-charged events. The brain stores emotional memories so they can be accessed in a nanosecond, causing us to react in a knee-jerk fashion that has little to do with the present situation.

The boss’s words to his employee in the lunchtime conversation were filtered through his lens of needs, personality and emotional experiences. I cannot accurately guess what that lens was, but I know now that it was about him, not about me.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I would choose a different reaction to my boss’ words. Instead of turning his remark inward and taking it personally, I can now see that his remark is coming directly from his lens or perspective of the situation. Here are the steps that I would now take in this situation.

The “Take Nothing Personally” Process:

1. Stop the knee-jerk reaction: As with most processes, the first step is the most difficult but the most important. To stop a knee-jerk reaction requires a high level of self-awareness – in other words, we need to be aware of our reaction in the moment in order to stop it. Fortunately, we can learn to be aware of our reactions by habitually taking a breath before responding to every situation. Adopt a mental image of yourself as calm and serene in the midst of adversity, which will help you to pause when you are being triggered by someone’s remarks or actions.
2. Pause. The best way to keep from taking it personally is to redirect your mental energies from the emotional brain to the logical brain. Count to ten – backwards and in French! – is a great way to divert your mind to its analytical, rather than emotional, functions.
3. Say to yourself, “That’s one person’s opinion.” Remind yourself that the person is speaking or acting from a viewpoint that encompasses their emotional memories, needs and personality. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Without judgment, you might try to imagine what might cause them act or speak as they did.
4. Take care of yourself. You might affirm yourself by saying, “I know I am a capable, intelligent person.” You might remember a time when you were completely happy or proud of yourself – we call this a “positive anchor”. You might call your partner, best friend or Mom and ask them for a pep talk – and bask in their love.

Taking nothing personally will lighten the emotional and spiritual burden you carry. It will also improve your interpersonal relationships. Imagine the possibilities of a frictionless, productive workplace created by a team that works under the motto of “Take nothing personally!” What a wonderful place that would be.

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