Loving Ourselves
Loving, approving of and encouraging ourselves may be one of the most practical spiritual practices available. It is only when we truly love ourselves that we can be spiritually free and happy. If you affirm, as I do, that human beings carry a flame of Divinity in our souls and that we are reflections of Source, then encouragement that we give ourselves comes from that which we can always count on - Infinite Intelligence or God. Seeking encouragement or approval from outside of yourself is bound to be disappointing, and it is for this reason: Others project onto you what is happening inside of themselves. Stated more broadly, we all project onto others what is happening inside of us. Therefore, no one can approve of you in exactly the way you need it - only your divine essence can do that.
This lesson is one that I have had to learn again and again. Life’s spiral of experiences keeps bringing me back to this concept of self-love. Recently, I reviewed my work with business coach Dr. Jayne Gardner (www.gardnerinstitute.com) from 18 months ago. One of the issues I worked on with her was my desire to have a "wife", or someone who could love, encourage and approve of me in my work and my spiritual life. With Jayne’s help, I identified this as a limiting belief. The belief was "I need to seek approval from others". My new affirmation became "I approve and encourage myself." Yet, here I am, 18 months later, learning this lesson from a different angle, through a different lense.
What I realized last week is how futile it is to expect others to love and approve of you. Understanding that we all project our own "stuff" onto others was the point of illumination, helping me to understand that others can not possibly give me what I need. The approval or encouragement others give is filtered through their own experience. Heck, when I look at it that way, I realize I don’t want other’s approval or encouragement, because it has all their hopes, expectations, dreams, and frustrations - their stuff - bundled up with it. It is heavy with their projections. Thanks, but I’d rather love myself in exactly the way that I need.
Last Saturday, as I was contemplating this "aha" moment, I was inspired to take action to love and encourage myself. I found a greeting card and wrote myself an encouraging letter. The salutation was "Dear Kristin" and the signature was "Love, Kristin". In the note, I told myself what I great job I had done speaking to several groups that week, and congratulated myself for putting aside my expectations that others would accept and love me. I mailed the card, and received it just yesterday.
When I got the mail, I acted like a dog who is given a new bone and goes to a special, private place to eat it - I went to my meditation corner, sat on my prayer bench and slowly, savoringly, read the note. I beamed. My heart overflowed with happiness. I was so relieved to have found a wife, a mother, a confidante, a cheerleader in myself.
Try this yourselves. Write yourself an encouraging note, telling yourself how much you love, encourage and appreciate yourself. Mail it, and see what happens in your heart.
Prayer:
Infinite Intelligence, shine through my heart as I love, encourage and approve of myself. I know that it is your love shines through my heart and back to myself. Amen.
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